There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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