Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
