Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
