I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
