Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
