I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
