As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
