but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
