your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
