Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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