I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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