I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
