There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
there is glitter all over my balls
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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