So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
