You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
