At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
