Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
