In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
