Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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