I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
