mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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