I want to stick my p in your. b.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i came on her dog
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
