I just made out with a guy for $7.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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