Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
