big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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