You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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