I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
