NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
