They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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