Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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