I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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