I wish my penis had an off switch
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
