i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
