He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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