i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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