What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
