6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
i believe in u and ur pee
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
