You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
