C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
