Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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