dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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