I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
