So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
