..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
