I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
