Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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