Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
