Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
