Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
