There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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