You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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